Blades of Fury

When I was about 20 I came home from college for the weekend and my brother and I decided to play outside because we were bad at being adults. I put on my rollerblades and Adam got his scooter and we headed out into the neighborhood to show off our mad skillz. We were rolling along, knowing deep in our hearts that haters were gonna hate, and we came to an intersection. Adam wanted to turn and go down a pretty steep hill but I thought it was too perilous. As we were debating, gravity took over and I realized I was starting to roll down the hill, which had mountain goats and rock climbers clinging to it. I built up quite a head of steam and quickly resorted to my standard reaction to panic, which is to flail and scream. Adam, who had wisely remained at the top of Mt. Everest, kept yelling at me to turn and fall into the grass on the roadside. He is very helpful. I chose to disregard his advice and instead grabbed at a passing tree branch to stop myself. Unfortunately by this point I was breaking the sound barrier so I succeeded only in snapping off the branch. So now I was streaking down the Matterhorn shrieking and waving a tree branch while Adam continued to shout tips at me from the summit. The bottom of the precipice was an intersection and I realized as I plummeted with my tree branch that the cross street had no stop sign. Which means that when I hit the gravel patch at Mach 3 and went ass over teakettle and landed, broken and wailing, the car that was coming barely had enough time to swerve around my battered body before continuing on without bothering to check for a pulse. I laid in the gravel for a few minutes, still clutching my branch, until Adam came trotting up, having decided to play it safe and walk down the sheer cliff. His first words were, "Are you okay? That was really funny." He helped me out of the gravel patch and I took off my rollerblades and I limped home. I eventually went to the hospital and had a sprained wrist and bruised tailbone. I have not rollerbladed since, which I'm sure is a pity for the poor people who have houses there on Mount McKinley. You can't beat a screaming dork brandishing a tree branch while sparks shoot from her rollerblades for entertainment value.