Look Mom! No Cavities!

I've had a horse since I was 10. I was always running to the barn after school to muck stalls and throw hay and groom my fat pony. Some days I wouldn't have time to change clothes so I'd just head out in whatever I was wearing for school. One day I ended up at the barn in my super fabulous Mudd clogs and got them pretty filthy and covered in horse poo and other interesting filth. When I got home I decided to thoroughly clean my fancy footwear so I could wear them the next day with my flare jeans and riveted belt. I figured an old toothbrush would work really well in the crevices of my shoes and I knew there'd been a random toothbrush in our bathroom for months so I used it with great success. My clogs were shining in all their pleather glory. It worked so well I thought I'd save the toothbrush for future cleanings and put it right back. Things were going well, Justin and Britney were a power couple, I was mastering the zigzag hair part, and then my little brother walked out of the bathroom BRUSHING HIS TEETH WITH MY HORSE POOP TOOTHBRUSH. I immediately started shrieking incoherently and he stood there drooling toothpaste until I finally gibbered out that he was brushing his teeth with shoe feces at which point he began retching uncontrollably and possibly cried but it might have just been his eyes watering from his violent gagging. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and apologizing and our parents laughed until they almost wet their pants. I blame myself for Adam being a germophobe today. I might as well have crammed that poo in his mouth with my own hands.